Happy 37th Birthday Aryana!In 37 years I’ve realized that we are the creators of our life. Everything
we’ve experienced we’ve signed up for. Don’t worry this isn’t going to be some “how to” on law of attraction.Last year was such a transformative year. I’m forever grateful for everything that happened. I met some absolutely amazing humans and realized everyone is a version of me pushed out into my created reality. I am so thrilled to share that this most recent orbit around my sun was absolutely worth every tear.
2018 Started out in the most amazing way possible. I met someone who in my eyes at the time was a perfect reflection of myself. I had just closed on my home and quickly fell in love. I mean look at these smiles!I believed last year was going to be the BEST year ever. It most definitely wasn’t according to my beliefs and whom I was at the moment. Fast forward a few months to the most painful heartache I had ever experienced. It was exactly what my soul required in order to catapult me to my next level. The relationship breaking was the catalyst to my growth at such a deep level that I had nowhere to go but inward.I learned that although I was a “positive person” I had so many beliefs that still held me back. I had self-worth and self-esteem issues believe it or not this LEO could be a timid little kitty when faced with less than desirable situations (that was the belief). The pictures you will see depict two very different sides of me and how I’ve had to embrace both. The sweet all smiles girl with no boundaries and a deep lack of self worth and a bad as bitch that takes shit from no one. I learned I was giving way too much power to those who didn’t matter, those who didn’t pay my investments (some of you call them bills or obligations) and those who could care less if I lost my job (yes, I lost my “matrix” job exactly 1 year ago on Aug 14th) I had to come to terms that I didn’t love myself like I thought I did and realized that I was chasing after someone who showed me with their actions they didn’t deserve me or want me.

A very wise friend of mine plays like broken record in my mind any and every time I feel as if I’m settling for less I can hear his voice say “KNOW YOUR WORTH” I knew exactly what he meant but it took me a few months to figure out he meant in all aspects of my life and at ALL TIMES.

In 37 years, I have learned how to identify when I’m giving my power away – or in other words giving too many fucks. I’ve learned to take responsibility for my life and no longer blame external circumstances for my happiness. It will sound cliché however my happiness has never depended on anyone else. Anytime I’ve ever felt someone attempt to give me that responsibility I have cut them off and politely found the nearest exit out of their phone, messenger and life. I have figured out who I am even thought I believed I had a good grasp on who I was. I thought because I had an idea of what I wanted in life – a house, a car, some pets, no kids and a passionate loving relationship that this meant I knew who I was – NOPE it’s not until I figured out exactly how to treat myself and how I want to be treated at all times that I realized I had been accepting crumbs from many of my relationships. From friends, to family to potential men who say they have a desire to “get to know me”. I’ve learned to end relationships in an ethical manner and mend relationships when it’s time. I don’t push, force or make things happen on my terms, instead I have gotten really good at taking divine guidance with action and have learned how to ALLOW. Yes, I manifest a shit ton of cool things but part of that is being in a state of ALLOWING.

In the pictures you won’t see the stress, the bugs eating my yummy exposed
body parts, the hot ass sun and the reflector making it hard to look at the
camera, you won’t see the dogs not staying still where I attempted to place
them, feeling uncomfortable being stared at but most importantly you never see the process. I’ve learned that in order to have an outcome I’ve got to go through the process. I’ve had to feel my emotions in order to heal them. I’ve had to speak my truth even knowing that when someone says “that’s on you I can’t control what you think” is true and go inward instead of reacting. I’ve learned we all play a role. My role last year was to go through the pain, feel it (even when all I wanted to do was die) and allow myself to go through the motions and get to a point of power within myself that I could allow that old identity of who many of you knew as Amy, die. I had to completely disconnect from who she was and what she thought she stood for. She died along with all of the beliefs that she wasn’t worthy of an amazing life regardless of what she had allowed herself to believe previously with societal, cultural and spiritual conditioning.Many people who have had deep states of depression and have been suicidal will often resonate with the Phoenix. A mythical creature who goes up in flames, dies but emerges from the ashes into an amazing, beautiful and powerful creature. Some people will often feel the need to a tattoo in remembrance of this part of their life. Thankfully I didn’t but instead took on a brand-new name. A name I know many of you still have a hard time making the switch because I can feel it in the emails, text and comments with the “Hey Chica, Hi Amiga, Hi Beautiful How are you doing?” or the straight up resistance of “Well I’ve known you for X amount of years and I’ll never call you by your new name” I always say well I won’t respond to the old name or will call you out by asking “who are you talking to?” Now, many of you know I don’t mind telling you how your denial and resistance about you not accepting my new name only reflects how resistant you are to transformation and or changes SOOO… this is the part I ask those of you who are still having a hard time with the new me to that you allow the new energy of me ARYANA into your life. That you allow yourself to be uncomfortable with transformation. Changes are easy it’s honestly taking the same shit and rearranging it, transformation on the other had is like a butterfly and the phoenix where they have absolutely nothing to do with the end result.For those of you who have with open arms accepted all of the new me – THANK YOU may your lives continue to be blessed abundantly with love and the skill of allowing.Patience is an amazing and constant skill that I will always be a student
of. Well, at least until I’m ready to change that belief within me. Patience is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on this journey. Everything happens for a reason and in perfect divine timing, NOTHING is a mistake and if you feel that way go back and imagine a new story revising your feelings on how you’ve reacted. Neville Goddard is a guru at explaining how to do this.
Below are two cards in the tarot deck that I’ve identified with my
transformation and coincidentally refer to each other.

10 of Swords -An ominous cards in the deck, the Ten of Swords shows a man lying flat on the ground with his face facing the dirt. He is covered with a red cloth from the chest down to his legs. Ten long swords are
stabbed into his back, he may not have seen this end coming. There is a
terrible stillness in the air: the sky above him is black and cloudy
indicating the fear and negativity associated with death. The waters in
front of him are still, with no ripples – adding to the eerie stillness
and finality of this card. Looking into the horizon, in the east, the sun
is rising, and the weather seems very calm despite the darkness. The Ten
of Swords seems to intimate that this is the lowest point in one’s life,
and it cannot get worse than this. At least, even in this state, the sun is
rising.The Sun – The Sun card presents a feeling of optimism and fulfillment.
This card represents the dawn which follows the darkest of nights. The Sun is the source of all the life on our planet, and it represents life energy itself. There is a child depicted in the card, playing joyfully in the foreground. A symbol of our innocence, it represents the happiness that occurs when you are in alignment with your true self. The child is naked, meaning that he has absolutely nothing to hide. The card also depicts the childhood innocence and absolute purity. This is particularly emphasized through the white horse upon which the child is riding. The horse here is also a symbol of strength and nobility.“Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.” – UnknownI’m hoping you’ve enjoyed my brief sharing of a few lessons and you can take a little something and apply it to your life Remember only you hold the power to create a life you desire but without action it’s only a great idea.
Now go make the darkness your bitch and slay all of those parts you have yet to heal.If you would like more guideance or personal one on one time feel free to book a reading.Photo credit of me in the silver sequence dress @Drylakebed
go to Steph Annmy amazing director at Moderno Dance Center and my black on black shoot with my two guardians Lola and Adonis to the beautiful and amazing Liliana and her partner Carlos.