Once upon a time – yes, it’s that time. STORY TIME!!!!

I’ll do my best to keep it short and I apologize if I blog once a year , I’ll do my best to do better– Clearly, I can recognize my patters. I can recognize yours too for that matter 😊  

So as many of you may or may not know I was born with a different name. (I’ll disclose it below. ) In 2018 I went through a series of events that spiraled me into a very deep dark place. The full story has been told in full detail to a hand full and I’ve given little tidbits in other blogs regarding this relationship that changed my life, so excuse me if it may sound as if you’ve heard it before. This is the first time I will say his name, I’ve always protected his anonymity and now… well he chose to treat me in a way I’ve never deserved and now my fucks have run out and I will indeed do what he has requested.

New Years Eve of 2017 to be the 1^st of 2018 I met a DJ by the name of Ron at a NYE event in San Fransisco. As soul contracts would have it lots of very interesting things happened. I remember the feeling when he approached me to dance. Something lit up in me and I couldn’t get him out of my mind the next day.

I’ll save the A LOT of details but in 2018 I thought I had it all. I had just closed on my home, had a great work at home paying career, and had finally found my person. We made plans well into the following year and the future. We visited each other several times, went to festivals, danced, I met his mother, his sister, and his children. We spoke of eventually moving in together and where we would even retire. Crazy right? It appeared we were going to have a beautiful life together. I fell in love, instead of rising in it and as soon as this “relationship” started, it was soon over. January to April 24^th 2018 to be exact.

He chose to end it via text after what I thought was a beautiful “working vacation” in Puerto Vallarta. He mentioned wanting to keep a friendship and soon blocked me on all social media accounts. I was devastated. I hadn’t done anything to warrant the block or his coldness but maybe I did? – I didn’t understand all of this at the time.  I was already into my spirituality, and I hadn’t at the time studied astrology and many other paths I’ve discovered along the way. Well, it all made sense years later.  There were several red flags that I chose to ignore because this man, in my eyes was “perfect” and everything I had been working on manifesting with my relationship coach. He mentioned not posting him on social media out of respect for his kids. The same ones I told him not to lie to when they questioned if we were in a relationship. I’ll spare a lot of the details, but I listened, and this man remained a mystery for many people on social media. – Note to everyone not just the girls. – If a man / or woman who claims to “love you” wants to hide your relationship from ANYONE (not just social media) don’t ignore it. That isn’t normal behavior and a red flag. Now, don’t get me wrong I learned a lot from this blessing and I’m glad I didn’t post him across my social media. When I saw this, it made a lot of sense to me.

After this breakup, months later I would lose the one thing I’ve always had stability with – my job; you know the dope work from home cush ass real-estate career I had been building in since 2005. I went into a very deep depression after the breakup but losing my job was different. Even though I had chosen to deal with my pain in a “healthy” way by dancing, I’ve always known how to mask my emotions (moon in Aquarius). This depression took me down the left-hand path of magic. I found myself diving deep into occult practices – many reasons why but mostly to learn why I was being haunted by such dark thoughts. I began to practice Magik on another level and often did spell work. Trial and error this Dark Knight of my soul was becoming unbearable (I laugh now as I type that last part.) I took a bunch of pills come July of 2018 and didn’t die. I remember waking up with what felt like a bad hang over and thinking “who the fuck woke me up?!” I was upset and angry but didn’t even begin to process any of it because “spiritual bypassing” was my favorite thing to do.  After that attempt, I began catching up on things that felt more as if I were remembering more so than learning.

That same year I went to the Detroit Awake and Empowered expo where I found out about life path numbers and how our names carry vibration. I had always had issues with my name. The amount of growth and transformation I had in 2018 warranted a new me, a new name.  So, I began to look at this as a new opportunity since I technically had “killed off Amy” lol – I’m a LEO sometimes I’m dramatic. If I’m not, then the truth is I felt like she died. Many parts of me died after that breakup. I felt shattered, broken and the heartache was the worst I had ever experienced. This separation hurt more than my divorce. Anyway, back to the name change… After reviewing all of the names I chose Aryana. I won’t go into ALL the details, but you can check out your name here www.kabalarians.com

I had to do a lot of soul searching and forgiving. I still do. Healing, I have learned is a never ending process and our hurts have layers that will often need to be visited when a memory or trigger comes up. I learned about new modalities, Astrology, Human Design, Santeria, Palo, ancient practices, Candle Magik, and so many other things. I began a journey into psychedelics too and I am truly grateful for everything that has lead up to the person many of you  know today.

Fast forward to January of this year 2023 (I’m going to skip the October/November stuff) and I have crazy anxiety. Anyway, the ex and I haven’t spoken in all these years About 5+ years. To my surprise he decided to ask me to dance, not with words just by extending his hand. I had imagined the moment many times only to not have any words come out of my mouth. After all these years he still didn’t speak to me, no conversation, no closure. We shared a dance and the next thing you know I’m back in my room, upset, crying-angry upset. It was up until that moment that I realized I had never gotten to the point of anger with him. That I never processed anger in my healing process. As if him dissing me over text and blocking me wasn’t reason enough to hate him. I didn’t know much about him because I’m not the type to stick around to see what happens next. Break ups with me are very permanent, I’ve never been known to do an “on and off” relationships. Anyway, I didn’t know much about his life other than he already was seeing who his wife is now, way back when he still hadn’t ended it with me in April of 2018. I pieced that part together because they both posted the same/similar picture of themselves in the same position, on the same date. He had talked about this hike and liked taking it because it cleared his mind (receipts below) Again, I’m skipping over a lot of details… but the memory of him calling me by HER name when we were in Puerto Vallarta came up and I was PISSED! It’s almost as if all these images of him being perfect came crashing down. Remember, he didn’t break it off with me until the 24th of that month.

OH shit! I just realized 2 of my Ex’s have cheated on me and then went on and married whom they cheated on me with (that I know of). Not only that both of their names begin with an M. WOW! Anyway, that’s not the point of this story but realizing this pattern means I’ve got work to do. Can’t have that crap happening to me again…. HOLY FUCK! Y’all I just talked to my parents! Guess who’s name also starts with an M?!!!! MY MOTHER!!!! OMG this is another blog about generational curses. WOW even writing this I’m still learning and growing!

Time to process anger. Please note that in October of last year experienced death in a very close upfront and personal way. Fucking Kenny you still suck for leaving, we had plans you dick! Anyway, it’s through this trigger that I realized I had suppressed anger, hate, revenge, jealousy and all these low vibrational or what I judged as low vibrational feelings. More people died after Kenny, and in January and I continued to get angrier. My social battery and tolerance for BS was VERY LOW! I noticed, I ask people I’ve been mean to and ask for the necessary apologies. I do forgiveness letters and burn candles and cut people off. I had no time to isolate myself because I’ve been traveling so much and taking on new projects, but I learned that anger just wasn’t something I was used to processing.

Fast forward to end of July – I’m going to the SFIBF happy AF because before I was hired to be at this event! Yay! Dancing finally pays off! and I noticed the lineup didn’t include my ex Ron. Well, the week before they release the DJ’s and let’s just say the anxiety is triggered once again. I’m tired of pretending I’m ok with him; we aren’t, we haven’t spoken in 5 years. Not a single word.

He has always smiled at me, I’ve ignored him. Figured I’d just give him the same blocked energy I have any other day with him. You can’t be my “friend” online, well you can’t be it in real life either. My thinking was very petty because I hadn’t processed the anger. I had been through the hurt, the disappointment, and the detachment process but the anger felt different and I’m sure it triggered the anxiety. Anger like I mentioned previously wasn’t a feeling I was used to dealing with.  

Saturday, he happened to be walking to the room I was checking wristbands at. It was early so I knew no one would be coming so my nose was very much in my phone and not looking up. The next thing you know he’s walking directly in my direction and is now in my face leaning down to hug and kiss my cheek and says something like “How are you? Everything good?” I was so shocked I couldn’t even open my mouth to say yea sure, so I nodded my head. He walked into the room, and I got up off my chair, removing myself from his accessibility to not have another odd interaction. I was so confused. Last time I recall we still haven’t been speaking, a dance at the beginning of the year doesn’t count as speaking when no words are exchanged. I had some conversations with some of my dance fam and they all agree he’s just being “nice” but the no talking part and acting as if we are still friends didn’t make sense. Fast forward I go into the traditional room where he is Dj’ing and wait to see if he’ll ask me to dance, I did it with intentions of introducing myself as Aryana. He didn’t so, I moved on with my night. I’m a big believer in signs and asked for a clear sign I couldn’t misinterpret. I asked for a sign that it was ok to reach out. I went to bed. The following day I had a conversation with my business partner (he’s also a DJ – yeah big whoop I attract creatives – that’s my Virgo Rising) and he made some very interesting observations and gave me some courage to see if he’d be open to talking.

That Sunday I was walking with some dance peeps to their room to get some shots when – here comes my sign! … I see him walk out of his room. (I’ll assume it was his room) We locked eyes and I kept walking. I now know this man’s room number and I’m glad I’ve grown and am not a crazy ex-girlfriend. I’m crazy (all women are) just not that kind of crazy. So fast forward and I go into the traditional room he’s closing out. Drop my phone on the floor near the speaker and go dance. Out of my peripheral view I see someone reach down. I’m done dancing and went to grab my phone and it’s not where I left it. Conveniently it’s on the DJ table. Guess who’s mad again? – I’m thinking “Why is he touching my shit? Why does he think we’re friends? Nah. You want to act like we’re friends again we’re going to clear the air.” However, when I finally reached out, I wasn’t mad, I may have been slightly aggressive and maybe that’s why he responded the way he did?

Anyway, I’ll leave the exchange below and you guys can tell me what I did to warrant such a response.

When I received the last message, I realized how much I’ve grown and how much I didn’t need closure. His silence over the years spoke volumes so why change it up now? I could have reacted in a hurtful way, but I chose not to, that’s not who I am. Clearly his response to my request to speak to him wasn’t received how I believed it would after he was so nice to me previously. My request to speak to him wasn’t to rehash the past. I wanted to thank him and introduce myself as Aryana. I wanted to thank him for doing his part and being the catalyst for my transformation.

Now, he may read this someday and think it’s hurtful to air out my life in regards to him and post receipts but I’m tired of feeling as if I can’t speak openly about what MY HEALING looks like because it may hurt another. This is MY chance to speak and be heard. I am not doing this with the intention to hurt him or his current wife, I am doing this to finally let go.

I’m far from perfect and some people may think I’m petty for posting this or even being passive aggressive but then again, I was tired of pretending like I’m ok with him acting as if we’ve been friends this entire time. He had a chance to be congruent in his actions; be as friendly as he was in public to me, privately and for reasons only he knows he chose to react in a way that made me literally made me look down at my phone and say “ewww, that’s rude!”

I’m ok with never speaking to him again. He was an attachment I needed to rid myself of. The moment I made demands of the “friendship” he believes he had with me he detached. This time, I’m ok with it. This time, I’ve learned he was fulfilling his role; he still is and I’m ok with that. So, I’ll stay in role and continue to mind my business and offer my services to anyone who has ever been blocked, ghosted, cheated on, disrespected and or just wanted to love someone who didn’t want to receive it.

I know I have this energy and in writing a not so detailed story I’m finally ready to do something with it, I decided to update my pricing to a number that haunts me -I say haunt because it shows up EVERYWHERE! I’m unsure how long I’ll keep this price but in honor of my growth, learning and not letting anger get the best of me; I’m offering my readings at $129 *As of now 1/29/2024 this pricing is no longer available. Book your services here https://cal.com/aryanalovick

Yes, that’s his birthday. I used to really dislike when I saw his name, and or birthday but now I’m grateful, VERY VERY GRATEFUL!

So if you would like to participate in modern day alchemy, or you learned a little something through my process and or want to have a different perspective on what you’re going through please feel free to book your session.

I think I’m better at talking shit on video and I’ve been told my stories are amazing to listen too. So, stay tuned for a few upcoming projects!

Thanks for reading my condensed version of the silent treatment and the real reason behind my name change. It’s because Amy died so that Aryana Theta Lovick could go on and assist many people in their healing!

May every heartache be a lesson that catapults you into the next better version of yourself!

With love and always practicing forgiveness,

-Aryana

PS – If you’re wondering forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be friends or condone what the other person did. It’s allowing yourself to stop drinking the poison hoping the other person dies.

PPS Ron and I are not friends and I have decided to lose his number as he’s requested just so it’s clear.