Sunday night was bittersweet. As I ended a 2nd season with my amazing Moderno Bachata Team in the same breath I bring back a roll of being a fur mom to not 1 but 2 amazing and beautifully well taken care of Dobermans. (This will be another blog stay tuned.)

My life is full of blessings and continues to amaze me. The growth dancing has given me is something I’ll attempt to explain.

Last year was rough. Last year this peice of coal was placed under so much pressure it’s now the Diamond you see today. (yea sometimes it needs polishing here and there lol)

To allow a man to take the lead after a heartbreak is major for a woman who is looked as being independent and takes no ones shit. All true except when I fell in love somehow I forgot my value. I forgot how much love I had for myself and had to search in some pretty dark places to find it again.Why the dark? Well, because the light parts had already been exposed before and what I knew had worked before wasn’t working this time. (I’ll be teaching a course on that soon) May 2018 I showed up to a dance studio with a raw and fresh broken heart 13 days to be exact. I was received after auditions with minimal questions asked and joined a ladies bachata team the first season. Our 1st song was “Issues” and it took every ounce of my life to not break down every time they played it and and for as much as I practiced I didn’t make the cut for the first half of the song. I understand why now. I couldn’t get into my feelings, I couldn’t and wasn’t ready to face all of those “issues”. I was also running beliefs that I wasn’t “good enough” to share the stage with such experienced dancers; therefore, guess what was returned to me? Exactly that- that my dancing and timing wasn’t good enough. The 2nd song called “Assesinas” translates to Murderers a song at the time I didn’t think at all I resonated with, by the end of the season a different story. There were several other belief systems I was running but I won’t get into those now, I’ll save those for another post. All I knew was at this point was that I had to dive into something that was going to distract me from my current situation and save me from myself, dancing did that for me.

In these months I started to build new friendships with women I realized had more in common with me without ever have shared thier stories. I realized this studio was a saving grace for so many of us. That I wasn’t the only one dance has saved from suicidal thoughts, feelings and even attempts. As I built new friendships, friends I thought would be around forever became nonexistent and weren’t around for what was the hardest time of my life. (again thats another post)

By the time my 1st major congress came around August 2018 I was finally able to knock something off my bucket list :To preform on a big stage in front of a large audience ✔

Not only this but it was my 36th birthday and what I declared as my rebirth in thee most appropriate city- New Orleans. From that moment on I knew whatever else was to come was just part of my process. Well… I get laid off coming back and instead of panic I see it as an opportunity to join another dance team the following season and go full time in my Psychic/Spiritual work. So I joined a co-ed team and start working on turning my hobby into a business. As for the co-ed team I may have had to light a candle or two to make this happen since apparently they didn’t have room for me. 😁

On this team I not only had to rediscover how to trust a man or 2 or 3 since our routine required switches, I had to be ok with being looked at, exuding and working with sexual energy with men I had no idea (at the time) the hurts, traumas and issues they delt with. Ya gotta understand I work with energy so this is a HUGE deal for me. Especially when the songs chosen are Pony and Sobredosis. Anyway I didn’t know any of these men and they didn’t know me. Slowly I developed some very solid and amazing relationships with each one of them. They have no idea how much each one has had part in my healing. One of my biggest growing lessons was to realize I could allow myself to be lead by a man and trust once again. So much that if my timing was off well, that’s how much I trusted him. Lol

Sunday’s last performance was the culmination of not 1 but 2 seasons. It hadn’t hit me until now as I wrote this. I’ve been collecting all of this energy, all of this growth and when I realized that this was the last time I’ll ever be dancing with this particular group again it just came up in a rush of tears as we all hugged after our final performance. Tears of relief, tears of release, tears of growth, tears of allowing but mostly tears of joy.

I realized the confidence I gained this 2nd season, the way moving my body moves all stagnant energy around, how much I still have to learn, but the biggest one is that by diving deep into something I’ve learned to love again (myself) I haven’t had the time or energy to think of not being around. I won’t say depression doesn’t hit, but luckily I’ve learned to ride that wave and get out that water faster than ever before.

Thank you to each and every single one of you from seasons 1 and 2. You truly saved my life and that’s priceless.