AND I’m back! It’s interesting how my time loops work. The last blog I wrote was about losing my Adonis. Today I found out one of my Spiritual Sisters passed away and all I heard was “WRITE!” I’m like what?! And I hear it again. “WRITE” So here we go.

Today as I scrolled through my FB feed I noticed not once but twice the face of a Spiritual sister I hadn’t been in contact for several years. I went back and read the post and felt like my life paused. Like a haze came over me as I’m reading a post.

I stopped, finished reading and my sister messages me asking if I had seen the news. It feels surreal as I’ve been hearing about a lot of people passing away. This one breaks my heart, moves me in a way not even losing my grandparents have.  

I hadn’t realized how much death impacts me. I thought it didn’t as I haven’t really experienced much of it. As I child there was a tragedy of my uncle Javier, but I was too young to remember details. Other than my mom looking very concerned and rushing around. Several years would pass until I would experience death a little closer; I would be in high school when 2 acquaintances would be shot mistaken for rival gang members. Even then I wasn’t as affected, I wasn’t close to them, but I had other friends who were and to watch them go through the loss was hard. A few years after that I witnessed my grandpa Mariano’s very peaceful death. It would be 14 years until my grandma Lola would pass and well let’s just say we didn’t have the closest relationship while she was in her meat suit so once again not much emotion or grief was felt.

I showed more emotion with the passing of my dog’s Pacha and Adonis. Over the years I’ve observed clients, friends, and acquaintances get sad and cry over the loss of celebrities. I’ve never understood this. I’ve asked myself do I lack compassion? Maybe I’m just not as emotional? Then I laugh because if I’ve let you in and you’ve seen me go through it, I’m HIGHLY sensitive and always think of others so that’s not it either.  

Losing Adonis last year and having his anniversary made me realize it took me an entire year to process his departure. That the thought of blogging knowing his was the last story I told still hurt. That grief is processed differently by everyone and there is NO timeframe on healing because healing is never ending. Today I’m being given the opportunity to change my time loop and honor an amazing soul sister.

I met Vanessa at a local Reiki center at the very beginning of my spiritual journey. I watched her grow into the teacher, attended her meditations and grid workshops. Here is someone that I can likely count the encounters I shared with and even though I can’t say we were close she caused a tremendous amount of positive impact in my life all those years back. Anytime I saw her she always had a smile to share and being around her always made me feel so good. I didn’t often catch up with her, but I get why I’m moved by her graduation to the other side. Here is someone who followed her dream, her passion, and her bliss. She always treated me kindly and taught me things I still use in my spiritual practice today. Her passing makes me realize that it doesn’t take a long-standing relationship to cause a positive impact in someone’s life to be remembered with love; however, a genuine sincere connection even if just or a moment can last even when you’re no longer in contact.

This quote takes on a different tone for me from this point on.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

My heart sends love to the children she leaves behind and her family. Please include them in your prayers.

Dedicated to my Spiritual sister Vanessa Sandoval. Thank you for ROCKING my life! (pun intended) She’d like that.